Birthdays and Reflections

I turned 42 on Friday...  Here's a couple of the awesome gifts I got from mom!  Can't wait to knit these both up into awesome socks!!  ( Thanks mom!!! )

And like some of us do with birthdays, we reflect on the year we just "survived." I sat on the porch today and did a mental inventory of things I'm thankful for--my parents, husband, and pups, of course.  My awesome new job at a new school. The lovely view from my front porch and the quiet of the neighborhood.  And I also looked back on some failures and I realized that my only real failures are my friendships.  I broke off a friendship in November with a friend I had had for years.  It was time.  She drained me of my positive energy whenever she was around.  But I miss the things we used to do together and the cool things I would have never done had it not been for her.  The most recent failure is with my best friend.  She means the world to me. I love her so much that I think it may be too much.  She has noticeably drifted away from me and I don't feel as important as I used to feel.  Sure she lives 4 states away and her life is tough being so far away from her family, but I wonder if I expect too much.  A phone call once a month, a birthday card, a visit longer than an hour and a half when she's home for a week.  

And naturally, I assume I'm the problem.  I'm not usually needy and insecure.  Why can't I maintain a best friend?  Are my standards too high?  Am I too difficult?  Am I the annoying one?  Am I too vocal and stubborn?  So, I'm now alone.  Not a big deal--I was alone when she dubbed me her best friend.  So, I maintain my solitary existence in friendville.  But, I don't like it.  And I have a tough time making friends because I don't like to put myself out there.  Catch 22, indeed.

Birthday

So, this year we have cut back our spending voluntarily and now out of necessity.  As a result, my birthday week is pretty tame.  I usually plan the whole week out and buy myself gifts I know no one else will buy me.  Dinner out a couple of times to collect my free birthday meals or desserts.  This year, nada.  No big deal, actually, because as a result of our decision we've realized that so much of what we bought was wasteful and unneeded. His unemployment is at times worrisome. (I find that I tend to sacrifice things for myself so that he can have things because I know how hard it is for him to be out of work.  He'll says to me, "Get it if you want it". But I always talk myself out of it.) I still buy yarn occasionally, but only with money I make off the stuff I sell on eBay.  As for everything else....

So, Baldwin and I are coping.  LOL.  Ok, Baldwin's not very happy, but that's just how he is.  He's a man.

I may, however, buy myself a new pair of Converse because I NEED them.  I may even bling them out and call them my "happy chucks" and I'll only wear them on special days!  Rhinestones, studs, or sequins?

11 Days

11 school days left.  Eleven. 11. E-LEVEN.  I'm pretty happy.😜

So on May 31, I'll be free to do whatever I want--within reason.

As for now, I'm working on 2 more pairs of socks.  The ones below are another pair of Paton's Kroy Socks in Mean Green Stripes.  Compared to the last pair I did, this yarn is so soft.  I'm loving working on them.

This pair is out of Madelinetosh Sock in Kelp.  The pattern is Firefly in the Knitter's Book of Socks.  Some cable action going on in these.  I'm wondering if I should have picked a lighter color yarn so the cables would show more.  Perhaps the farther I get, the better they'll look.

And most importantly it was 91 degrees today and I had no air conditioning in my classroom.  And no windows to open.  And kids with coats on complaining about how hot they were. (Eye roll) And I have a painful rash under each eye 😳 from the heat and humidity that I can't get any relief from for the 8 hours I'm working. Let's just say I'm glad to be home with the air on and my clothes off (not completely, but I sure couldn't wear this outfit to work).  

And I turn 42 Friday.  (Sigh)